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In Their Words: Eating Disorders & Older Adults

By: ANAD Peer Support Volunteers

Eating disorders do not discriminate based on race, gender, and even age. It’s important to know there is no age limit to eating disorders or the recovery journey.

In fact, a 2014 study found that life transitions and stressors common in older adulthood—such as children leaving the home and menopause—can even make eating disorders much worse.

We recently asked some of our peer mentors and volunteers to share about their experience with an eating disorder in older adulthood and advice they have for others. 

We are grateful for their willingness to share and have included their inspiring responses below: 

Throughout your time in the ED, what were the maintaining factors that preserved the ED and made it hard to recover?

"The absolute fear of not having my eating disorder and who would I be without it. My interests? How I formed relationships and connections? Who was I and how did I explore that? It scared the absolute crap out of me."
"Putting everyone before myself."
"It had become such an ingrained coping mechanism that I would rely on it when times got tough."
"The predominant factor was a lack of adaptive living skills. My eating disorder locked me out of, and left me ‘behind’, the personal and social growth of my age peers."

What ultimately got you unstuck?

"Residential treatment was a huge boost to my recovery. I learned to prioritize self-care, find self-compassion, and most importantly, how to express (rather than suppress) my emotions and needs in healthy ways."
"Choosing a new direction for my life was pivotal in my recovery from the eating disorder."
"An amazing therapist, a recovery community, really weighing my values against the eating disorder, praying for willingness."
"Eventually the denial and pain of continuing on an ED path grew larger than the pain of ‘growing up’, that is, changing: inventorying and applying my native skills, and learning new life skills. I had to face going through the inevitable errors, miscues, and embarrassments in ‘catching up’ to a fully interconnected social life, especially when food or eating was involved."

What was your catalyst for recovery?

"I saw the life I wanted materializing before me and I had to decide... do I want the safety of the eating disorder or all these things I want like marriage, kids, a career, etc."
"The diagnosis of one of my sons with special needs prompted me to do whatever it took to get healthy so I could best care for him and my family."
In overcoming anorexia, my catalyst was an epiphany one day where I surrendered, just walked away from the whole enigma. I decided to eat, with only the one hope that someday a life of uncomplicated and pleasurable eating would return. I had no evidence that it would return. I had no idea what or how much to eat first. I just blindly trusted that it would return, and I carried on quietly and agonizingly in bitter emotional pain. Then came bulimia...
...The catalyst for overcoming bulimia was not such a single epiphany. My recovery from bulimia was propelled by an ever more satisfying social life. The opposite, they say, of addiction is connection. With more joy, support, and meaning in relationships of all kinds, the urge or need to binge and purge decreased until gone."

How do you define recovery for yourself?

"To me recovery is much more than abstinence from behaviors. The question I ask is, "What are you recovering?" And for me the answer is: The life I was always meant to live. A life of freedom from obsessive thoughts, freedom to live according to my true values rather than secrecy and lies, freedom to engage in life rather than isolate."
"I think recovery is an always ongoing process, but my definition of being in that process is that food and weight no longer control or serve as the center point of my life."
"A lack of eating disorder symptoms, a lived commitment to taking care of myself in body and mind, and an ability to disregard the eating disorder voice when it occasionally reappears."
"The ability to create a full life - open to joy, love and possibility without being controlled by my eating disorder."
"Recovery for me was the end of eating disorder symptoms – obsessive behaviors and thoughts. With the passing of symptoms came a stage I call ‘Healing’ where I identify and resolve the underlying inner conflicts and world views that led to my isolation and eating disorder. Healing is a lifetime of ever deeper self-understanding and lived serenity."

Is recovery a destination you've reached or a journey you are on?

"Recovery is definitely a journey. My journey has taught me that the ED can raise its voice at unexpected and stressful times. Long term recovery involves knowing how to recognize when it does begin to speak up and being able to shut it down very quickly and move along with your life."
"I think it is an “and” and not an “or”, it is both – I do believe I have recovered based on my definition – the destination. And I think that my daily choices (and they are choices) that enable me to stay in recovery is part of the journey."
"I believe it's both. I'm always working on myself to stay recovered in different ways. Not just with the eating disorder but with life."
"For me recovery is less a destination and more an ongoing transformation to lasting change."

How did recovery change your life?

"I have embarked on a journey of self-discovery that has allowed me to truly love and appreciate myself for who I am, beyond just my physical appearance. This personal growth has empowered me to establish a clearer vision of my goals and aspirations in life. I now feel a greater sense of strength and conviction about the relationships I wish to cultivate. I am more intentional about the people I choose to surround myself with, seeking connections that uplift and inspire me rather than those that drain my energy. This transformation has made a profound difference in my life, as I embrace my identity and foster meaningful relationships."
"It deepened my relationship with my partner as well as our kids. It gave me the opportunity for self-exploration, even if it was terrifying in the beginning. The acceptance that I was more than my physical body – acknowledgment and love was not dependent on how I looked. The health to see a future watching and participating in our kids growing into beautiful adults and the ability to be here to have grandchildren. And to just freaking let go!"
"In a nutshell, I returned to the ‘happy go lucky’ boy I was before the onset of anorexia. The boy had done well to hide and accommodate childhood trauma and memories, and in recovery from my eating disorder , these wounds began to heal and my relationship with myself and relationships with others grew more genuine and spontaneous."
"As the eating disorder got smaller, my life got bigger. It made me more empathetic, I’m more confident now and more willing to trust in people other than myself."

Could you have envisioned the difference in your life in recovery when you were still struggling with the eating disorder? Is life in recovery what you had imagined it would be?

" Life is so much better than I ever thought it would be. In early recovery, I was in the deep end of a pool of fear and anxiety and did not know how to swim. I slowly taught myself some strokes to keep afloat. In time, I learned to swim with some grace as the eating disorder symptoms subsided."
"Life in recovery is much much better than I expected while I was in recovery. That’s because I had very low expectations because I did not know anyone who had actually recovered from an eating disorder. There were no mentors available nor recovered people sharing about their recovery back then."
"I have 2 beautiful children, a husband I love, a great career, friends, family and all the things. This would've been unfathomable to me in my eating disorder."
"No. That was extremely difficult for me. My eating disorder was so insidious that I didn’t know the difference between it and myself. Recovery is so much more than what I imagined it would be. I truly understand what it is to love and be loved; not to mention accepting that love."
"No, I was so stuck in thinking I had a problem with food and weight obsession, I couldn't have imagined how life could be without those constant thoughts. Life without ED is worth all the time, energy and effort it took to achieve. It is priceless."

Has your recovery changed through time and through different life experiences?

"It's always a journey and a learning experience. There are times thoughts come in concerning the eating disorder but I'm aware of those thoughts and I know how to shut them down. I would never want to go down that slippery slope again."
"Someone once explained it to me like this and I really liked the analogy "the eating disorder used to take over the whole house... it lived in every room. Now it lives in a closet downstairs that I don't use very often. Occasionally I go to that closet because I need something and it's there and I'm like "oh, right, you" but then I shut the door and walk away. It may bang on the door and make noise from time to time, but I live in the house... not the closet"
"The longer into my recovery, the easier it has become. My response to former triggers has either disappeared or lessened significantly, while trust in my body and my ability to ride the inevitable waves of discomfort in life has grown."
"Recovery meant ever widening circles of experience and emotional expression, especially in connection with others. I grew more at ease with myself and more comfortable in relationships. I think that after the passing of my eating disorder symptoms (behaviors and thoughts) my life experiences were equivalent to any other person’s life experiences who had not had an eating disorder."
"Yes. Every time my recovery has been tested, I had the support of my psychiatrist and medical doctor to boost my defenses if needed. I had their support through pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, the birth of 2 sons (one with special needs), and serious illnesses in family members. The support of my psychiatrist was very helpful and was significant in keeping my recovery on track."

How do you practice recovery on a daily/as needed basis?

"Starting my day checking in with myself – how do I feel? How do I want to feel? And what are a couple things I could think and do to help me to feel that way. Gratitude – I have a reminder on my phone at Noon and end of day – I say out loud (this is important for me to really take it in) three things I am grateful for – big or small. Also I keep my value words close to my heart and remind myself of them daily. Before we go to sleep, my partner and I ask each other if there is anything to check in about or share."
"I stay active in social circles committed to group responsibilities. I work to deepen my family relationships while also simply enjoying them. I spend time on personal interests. I work on any residual inner conflicts as I feel them. I read the latest eating disorder research and treatment developments."
"I make sure I get adequate sleep on a daily basis, I make sure to spend enough time outdoors everyday, I remain in therapy, I spend much time with family and friends, I enjoy my career and non-work activities and I eat a large variety of food and no longer practice food restriction. Maintaining recovery and health is a LOT of work, but given adequate attention and assistance as needed, it can last for decades."
"I do practice recovery daily. I have daily self-care habits such as quiet time, responding to my hunger needs, good sleep, making time to do things that give me joy, seeking emotional support, helping others."
"I read blogs, books, journal and spend time with myself in the mornings to center my mind to start the day with positivity and mindfulness."

What motivates you and helps you to stay on the recovery path?

"I want to live a life with purpose and meaning. I want to be healthy and free of physical and psychological pain as much as possible."
"Pain motivates us ‘away’ from something, while pleasure motivates toward something. In early recovery, motivation was the former type. As recovery progressed, motivation evolved to the latter type. I am motivated also to be a better role model for those whom I mentor who still suffer in their eating disorder, by recalling, clarifying, and communicating my recovery process."
"Being a mentor is incredibly beneficial for my recovery journey. By helping others, I find that I reinforce my own strength and commitment to healing. Each mentee offers a unique perspective and presents different challenges, giving me the opportunity to work on a variety of skills and coping strategies. This not only allows me to practice what I've learned but also encourages me to explore innovative techniques to manage my emotions and behaviors, ultimately replacing the unhealthy patterns associated with my eating disorder. Through this mentorship experience, I continually grow and develop a deeper understanding of both my recovery and the importance of supporting others in their journeys."
"My family, and wanting to be on this planet as long as possible to love them."
Green box with black text: In Their Words: Eating Disorders & Older Adults
ANAD hosts an Older Adults Eating Disorder Support Group every Tuesday at 1pm ET. This group is free to anyone who identifies as being in older adulthood.
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