*Trigger Warning: This post contains talk of numbers and scales.*

It was nearly a year and a half ago when I openly admitted to y\’all that despite being in a good place with my recovery, I lost my ever loving mind when a doctor told showed me that I had gained 20 pounds in 2 years… see below!


In hindsight that was probably the most vulnerable I have ever been with this blog. I mean, coming onto a public platform to admit that I nearly relapsed after 5+ years in recovery all because of a number was nothing short of scary. But ultimately, I have never once regretted choosing vulnerability, and that post was not the exception. Nor will this.

Two weeks ago I found myself on a scale once again. And lo and behold and completely unexpectedly, another 20 pound gain. I immediately fell back into self deprecation mode and stared in disbelief at the number I saw.  It was the biggest number I have ever seen, but in that very moment, I felt nothing but small in comparison to my ED that was trying to resurface.

But I couldn\’t. I wouldn\’t let that number change the fact that I was still going to meet my friend for pizza and beer that night. Or that I have worked too damn hard to lose everything I have fought for. So I did what I do best, I cried it out, talked to \”my people,\” and knew that I had to write this follow up post.

I hope that at least one person reading this finds solace in the fact that a number on a scale is not a death sentence, but keeping on with your ED could very well be. And with that, I give you part 2 of my \”20 Things I Really Gained\” list.

  1. A new outlook on life after witnessing death first hand
  2. My master\’s degree
  3. My dream job as a licensed individual and family therapist
  4. Finding a home that feels safe
  5. A beautiful kitchen to cook in
  6. A new bed
  7. New friends and colleagues
  8. 12 inches of donated hair (technically a physical loss, but definitely an emotional gain)
  9. A strengthened relationship with my siblings and cousins
  10. A supervisor that respects me
  11. At least 10 new yoga asanas
  12. A genuine trust in my therapist (…4.5 years in the making)
  13. A new relationship with the 4 most important kiddos in my life
  14. My health during a world wide pandemic
  15. A new doctor who refuses to stop fighting for me to get access to the right medications
  16. A \”new old\” best friend
  17. Bullet journaling
  18. Heartbreak and the lessons that came with it
  19. Financial stability
  20. A real chance to start thinking about becoming a mama