What Helped Me Most in Recovery
I am still not completely sure of why it started.
My mom talked negatively about her body in front of me since I was a young girl, leading me to also look at my body negatively. I was always praised for being small and petite when I was younger, so when I got older and my body went through changes, I wasn’t praised for being small anymore. I wanted to gain the appreciation and acceptance of others again by being as small as possible.
My friends and my therapist were the keys to my recovery. My therapist would give me ways to fight against the negative comments I made to myself, she helped me shut down the thoughts I didn’t want in order to make room for the more positive thoughts that I wanted. Some of my friends weren’t (and still aren’t) aware of my struggles. No matter if they knew or didn’t, just having people who cared for me no matter what helped me most in recovery.
I want to be able to live without the fear and constraint of struggling with an eating disorder. I don’t want to have to think twice about if I should eat something. I want to be able to listen to my body and my cravings so I can enjoy the food that I’m eating. I want my time to be consumed with enjoying life instead of with worrying about what I’ve eaten and what I’m going to eat.
Don’t give in. There have been many days where I’ve wanted to give in and skip a meal because I thought one meal wouldn’t have that much effect on me. I learned to tell myself that I’m building habits. I am building healthy habits that will get me to where I want to be. I refused to let myself give in, and it got easier over time. It will be hard in the beginning but you have to push through it in order to live more freely again.