My story with an eating disorder began with the constant pressure to be perfect. I was at odds with how I felt inside and didn’t have the tools to manage the intensity of my feelings. I never felt my body was something I was allowed to feel good about or in. The environment I grew up in was chaotic and frightening and I felt I had no where to turn but inward to relieve the pressures and anxieties I was experiencing.
My recovery consisted of a process and was an accumulation of every therapist, every hospital in-patient stay, every alternative medicine practitioner, every doctor I ever saw. My progress was not a straight line (duh!), but the most important person was/is a trusted mentor I met when I moved to Los Angeles. She became a surrogate mother and helped me re-program all the mean voices inside that told me I was no good, that felt I had no value. Meeting her was the pivotal moment in my recovery.
I fight because of my children. Because I will not pass the baton to another generation; this is what matters more to me than anything else. I fight because I’m worth it and I have gifts the world needs and wants. And when times get tough, I remember to stick with it. There is no such thing as a straight line. That’s just another illusion. You are not alone. You can do this.
I am a Caucasian woman born in West Virginia from a wealthy family. I am currently 42 years old and live in Los Angeles.