My mom is a single mom, and “overwhelmed” would be the word I have to describe her, especially when I was young. I remember making the decision as a young child to stop voicing my needs and wants. I tried so hard to minimize the burden I was to everyone around me. I ended up minimizing my body, too.
It wasn’t until the last year and a half that I have begun to educate myself about Anorexia. No one ever told me that recovery is anything more than just gaining the weight back. I didn’t know that I belonged to a community in which I share many things. Understanding the personality characteristics that can make someone vulnerable to an eating disorder really has helped me to connect the dots.
I finally realized that I deserve a life where I value myself for who I am. I deserve a life without a constant desperation to lose weight, desperation that brings me to compromise my soul and body. It was hard to lose all the recognition I got for my low weight, but I have come to choose other ways to make myself present and acknowledged. Learning to talk has been a big way I have done that, sharing my feelings and thoughts, expressing my opinion rather than believing that everyone’s opinion is more important than mine. I am still learning not to run away because frequently I am so utterly overwhelmed I need to step away from a situation or argument. Making connections instead of isolating myself has maybe been the biggest part of my recovery. And when I problem-solve with other people, I don’t feel the same need to manage my feelings in unhelpful ways. I am not only choosing to the health of my body, I am choosing a fulfilling existence.
I am a 23-year-old daughter of a single mother.