I don’t like the word lie, so I preferred to say omission.
It just seemed easier. In the very same way, it seemed easier to turn a blind eye every single time I would write he instead of she in all of my poems.
It has been two years of hopeless dates, hiding the truth, and faking it until I prayed that one day, I’d just break it.
Omission is not a lie; I would sob to myself on days that I wanted to break the most. Those days where I would pray that maybe I just haven’t met the right guy yet. Or possibly I’m just not ready for a long-term love.
Omission is not a lie.
Well, one turned into two, and two turned into three and before I knew it I was spilling the most hidden depths of me. The outside now held the words that made me believe omission was not a lie and the part of me that I fought to love the most. The part of me I was willing to omit, rather than just admit that omission is a lie.
And it became a lie the day I declared that love is love. The minute I decided to accept the reflection staring back at me. The very second, I chose to share this with the world.
Omission is a lie.
I now open up my omitted and breathe for now you are not permitted to keep me from writing she instead of he.
I wrote this poem nearly 4 years ago and I came out of the closet as a lesbian just shy of 6 years ago. I often say that speaking aloud the words “I’m gay” was the best decision of my life, but truthfully, I’d be cutting the entire experience short if I left it at that. It was way more than coming out, but rather, a choice to come in to my own authenticity. And it was that “coming in” process that made me feel as though I no longer had to omit.
As we begin to wrap up the calendar Pride Month (because in my humble opinion, every month is Pride Month ????), I just wanted to say, “Do it!” And no, this not me pressuring you to come out and into your own sexuality, but rather, take time to do what makes you feel most authentic. Wear something that brings out your confidence, blast your favorite song, eat whatever it is you damn well please, and know that if you do want to come out, there are so many people here waiting to support and love you.
ANAD will always be a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community. And below are additional resources if you’re in need of more support.